How Machiavelli Would Have Gotten Out of Depression

I was sitting there, half-drunk, staring at the wall, wondering why everything felt like a slow-moving car crash.

The bills piled up, the coffee tasted like regret, and my cat—judging me from across the room—seemed to have her life together better than I did.

Then I thought of Niccolò Machiavelli.

Yeah, that Machiavelli. The guy everyone thinks is a villain, a cold-blooded mastermind, the one who whispered “it’s better to be feared than loved” before probably twirling his mustache.

But he wasn’t just about power plays and political manipulation. He was a man who had been crushed by life.

Banished from his beloved Florence, tortured, abandoned, jobless. And yet, he didn’t just sit there and mope. He got back up.

So I asked myself: how the hell would Machiavelli have handled depression?

1. Accept That Life Is Brutal and Unfair

Machiavelli didn’t sugarcoat reality. He didn’t write about how “everything happens for a reason” or that “the universe has a plan.”

No. His philosophy was clear: the world is chaos, and no one is coming to save you.

The guy got tortured—real, old-school torture, not just bad WiFi—and instead of curling up into a ball, he wrote The Prince.

He didn’t waste time crying about fairness. He accepted that life is often just a rigged game, and the only thing to do is play smarter.

2. Get Off Your Ass and Do Something Useful

After exile, Machiavelli could’ve drowned himself in wine (which, let’s be honest, I considered). Instead, he wrote letters, he strategized, he plotted his return. He worked on something. That’s key.

Depression feeds on inertia. The more you sit around, the heavier you become.

You don’t need to conquer Florence, but write something.

Build something. Make a bad decision, at least. Forward motion is survival.

3. Forget About What’s ‘Right’—Do What Works

Morality? Honor? Fairness? Nice ideas, but they don’t keep you alive.

Machiavelli knew that people who play by the rules often get crushed by those who don’t.

That doesn’t mean you should start backstabbing coworkers and wearing a sinister cape.

It just means stop worrying about what you should do and start doing what actually works.

Therapy, exercise, quitting your soul-sucking job—whatever gets you out of the pit, do it.

Even if it’s not the most “noble” choice.

4. People Are Fickle, So Stop Giving a Damn

Machiavelli understood people. He knew they’re inconsistent, selfish, and often stupid.

That’s why he advised rulers to be feared rather than loved—love fades, fear is useful.

Now, I’m not saying go around intimidating baristas, but if people ghost you, betray you, or just disappear when you’re down—don’t take it personally.

Humans are unreliable creatures. Invest less in their approval and more in your own game.

5. Laugh at the Absurdity of It All

Machiavelli wasn’t just a strategist; he was funny. He wrote satire, he mocked the powerful, he made jokes about his own suffering.

If you can laugh at something, it loses its grip on you.

Depression tells you everything is dark and serious.

But step back and look at it: a tiny primate on a rock hurtling through space is sad because a person in another room didn’t text back.

It’s ridiculous. And sometimes, seeing the absurdity is enough to break its spell.

6. Turn Pain into Power

The guy was beaten, exiled, and humiliated, but what did he do?

He wrote one of the most influential books in history. That’s the move.

Channel your misery into something. Write, paint, lift weights, build an empire out of spite.

Depression wants you to be passive. The Machiavellian move is to turn suffering into strategy.

7. Remember: You Are the Villain in Someone Else’s Story—And That’s Okay

Machiavelli was hated. His name became an insult. But guess what?

He didn’t care. He knew that people prefer easy labels over complex truths.

If you choose to climb out of depression, some people won’t like it.

They’ll resent your change. They’ll call you selfish, distant, or arrogant.

Who cares? You weren’t put on this earth to be a supporting character in their narrative.

Summary Table: Machiavelli’s Depression Escape Plan

Machiavellian Rule	How It Helps with Depression
Life is unfair—accept it.	Stops the “why me?” spiral.
Get off your ass.	Action kills inertia.
Do what works, not what’s “right.”	Practical solutions over idealism.
People are fickle—ignore them.	Less heartbreak, more freedom.
Laugh at the absurdity.	Lightens the load.
Turn pain into power.	Uses suffering as fuel.
Embrace being the villain.	Stop seeking approval.

Final Thoughts

So there I was, still staring at the wall. But now, I wasn’t stuck.

Machiavelli didn’t wait for a miracle. He adapted. He manipulated the game. He survived.

And maybe that’s the real trick to getting out of depression—not waiting for it to end, but treating it like an opponent.

A tyrant to be outmaneuvered. A weak ruler to overthrow.

So I stood up. I stretched. I poured myself another drink.

And I started plotting.