How Famous Philosophers Would Have Dealt With Ghosting

Ghosting. The modern plague. The art of disappearing without a trace, without a word, without a single explanation.

One moment, you’re talking about your childhood trauma over overpriced sushi, and the next, you’re staring at an empty chat box like a fool.

You refresh. You check your Wi-Fi. You reread your last message like it holds some ancient code.

Nothing. No reply.

If Socrates were alive, he’d be questioning his own existence. If Nietzsche saw your unread messages, he’d probably just laugh.

So how would the great minds of history handle ghosting? Let’s find out.

1. Socrates – The Interrogation Never Ends

Socrates, the king of making people uncomfortable, would not go down without a fight.

First, he’d send a follow-up text. Then another. Then a few more, all in the form of relentless questions.

“Have I done something wrong?

Or is it merely my perception that assumes wrongdoing?

Is your silence a choice, or have you been rendered mute by the gods?

Is ghosting a form of cowardice, or is it a new kind of philosophical statement?”

The ghoster, of course, would never reply.

Socrates would then conclude that ghosting is proof that people avoid truth like a cat avoids responsibility.

And then he’d probably go drink some hemlock just to prove a point.

2. Plato – The Ghost Is Just a Shadow

Plato would take a deep breath and remind himself that everything he sees is just a shadow of a deeper, truer reality.

That person who ghosted?

Not real. Just a mere imitation of love. An illusion.

The true form of love—the real soulmate—is somewhere in the realm of perfect ideas, waiting.

Probably reading The Republic and nodding in agreement.

So, in short, ghosting isn’t a personal failure. It’s just proof that you were talking to a shadow puppet all along.

And Plato doesn’t waste time on puppets.

3. Aristotle – Ghosting Is Unnatural

Aristotle would approach ghosting like a scientist with a clipboard.

He’d analyze past conversations, look for patterns, create categories:

• Potential ghosters – those who leave you on read but still post on social media.
• Accidental ghosters – those who genuinely forgot but somehow remember to text their dentist back.
• Serial ghosters – those who have mastered the art of disappearing like they work for the CIA.

After careful study, he would conclude that ghosting is unnatural.

Humans are social animals. We are meant to communicate.

So anyone who ghosts? They’re just going against nature. Like a squirrel trying to become a professional violinist.

It just doesn’t make sense.

4. Epicurus – The Ghoster Has Done You a Favor

Epicurus would sit back, sip some wine, and smile.

“Ah, yes,” he’d say, reclining on a very comfortable chair. “Ghosting. A true gift.”

Because to Epicurus, life is about avoiding pain. And what is a ghoster, if not a person who would have inevitably caused you pain later?

By disappearing now, they’ve actually done you a favor. Less drama. Less heartbreak. More time for wine and cheese.

Ghosting isn’t rejection—it’s freedom.

And Epicurus would toast to that.

5. Diogenes – Publicly Shaming the Ghoster

Diogenes, the ancient Greek philosopher who lived in a barrel and had the social manners of an aggressive pigeon, would not suffer ghosting in silence.

Instead, he’d take the ghoster’s last message, print it on a giant scroll, and read it loudly in the town square.

“Behold!” he’d yell. “They said, ‘We should totally hang out soon!’ And yet, they vanished! What deceit! What treachery!”

Then he’d shake his head, spit on the ground, and go back to his barrel, muttering something about people being weak.

6. Machiavelli – Ghost First, Ghost Harder

Machiavelli, the king of strategy, would never let himself be ghosted.

Because the key to power? Strike first.

Before someone even thinks about ghosting him, he’d already be gone.

They’d wake up to a vague, but powerful text: “I have enjoyed our time together, but new circumstances require my attention elsewhere.”

Then, silence.

He wouldn’t just ghost—he’d stage an entire political disappearance.

He’d delete all evidence that he ever existed in that person’s life.

No photos. No texts. No trace.

And that’s how you win at ghosting.

7. Schopenhauer – Life Is a Nightmare Anyway

Schopenhauer, the philosopher of eternal gloom, would take ghosting as further proof that life is just one long disappointment.

“Of course,” he’d sigh. “Another betrayal. Another example of the cold, indifferent universe laughing in my face.”

Then he’d take out a quill and write a sad, dramatic essay about how human connection is a fleeting illusion and how all relationships are doomed.

Then he’d drink alone, staring out a rain-splattered window.

8. Nietzsche – Laugh, Work Out, Forget Them

Nietzsche would see ghosting as a test of personal strength.

“You have been ghosted? Good. Let this be the fire that forges you into something greater.”

Then he’d hit the gym, lift an absurd amount of weight, and scream “God is dead, and so is your last text!” between sets.

His advice?

Don’t just survive ghosting.

Thrive because of it. The strong adapt. The weak dwell.

Be strong. Move forward. Let them fade into nothingness.

Then maybe ghost them back for fun.

9. Sartre – Ghosting Is Proof That Hell Is Other People

Sartre already believed that all human interactions were a form of suffering.

So if someone ghosted him? He’d just nod.

“Yes. Expected.”

Then he’d light a cigarette, stare into the void, and reflect on the futility of relationships.

10. Camus – Accept the Absurdity and Keep Walking

Camus would say ghosting is just like everything else in life: absurd, random, and without deeper meaning.

One day, you’re talking. The next, they vanish. And you’ll never know why.

But instead of sulking, Camus would just shrug, laugh, and go to the beach.

Because in the end, ghosting is just part of the ridiculous little game we call life.

And you might as well enjoy the sun while you can.

Summary Table: Philosophers vs. Ghosting

Philosopher	Reaction to Ghosting
Socrates	Interrogates the ghoster endlessly.
Plato	Concludes the ghoster was never real.
Aristotle	Calls ghosting unnatural, like a fish trying to ride a bike.
Epicurus	Sees ghosting as a favor—one less headache.
Diogenes	Publicly mocks the ghoster, then moves on.
Machiavelli	Ghosts first, ghosts harder.
Schopenhauer	Uses it as proof that life is just a cruel joke.
Nietzsche	Laughs, lifts weights, forgets them.
Sartre	Sees it as proof that love is doomed.
Camus	Shrugs and enjoys the beach.

So, what’s the real answer? How should you handle ghosting?

Some say analyze it. Some say laugh at it. Others say drink wine and forget it ever happened.

Me? I say it doesn’t matter. Because, in the end, someone else will come along. Maybe they’ll ghost you. Maybe they won’t. But you’ll keep rolling that boulder up the hill anyway.

And one day, you’ll look at your phone, see an unread message from someone you once cared about…

And you won’t even feel the need to reply.